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Canned Cactus Gray

Late June 2021

I like to keep up-to-date on the progress of my Bronco, along with Corporate Non-Credibility. Since I’ve decided on a different color, Cactus Gray, instead of Rapid (not Rabid) Red (which is still a nice color), pinning down the precise nuance has posed challenges for me.

Production is wayyyy behind schedule, but I can still dream, in color, of the Build-And-Price Bronco Big Bend.

The computer color monitor, of any digital screen, however, can be notoriously wrong. Sometimes, the chroma is just plain awful.

Other customers in the Bronco queue, those tens of thousands of waiting Americans, are also a bit confused, if not dazed, about the shade of Cactus Gray. (And, to me, gray is grayer than grey.)

Questions have therefore been asked by many of those anonymous nobodies, known as the American Consumers, about the true color of Cactus Gray. And with so many true colors being discovered in the landscape of the United States, the prickly Cactus Gray has taken on a chromatic other-worldly existence.

For Example: Can you fix the online ordering tool to show the real color, CACTUS GRAY?

The automated response is pure canned corporate rubbish. The diversity of Collective Blather, straight from the Feedbag, is as follows:

— Stay tuned!

— Soon!

— Very soon!

— Soon-ish.

— We’re listening!

— We’re taking this Feedback to the Team.

That last line of hogwash has replaced the ubiquitous “Let’s start the Conversation” or even “We had the Conversation” — now that nobody is talking anymore to the 4-Eva Masked Corporate Pigs.

I’ll not be purchasing another Made-In-Italy (by Italian hands) pair of driving gloves to color-coordinate with the Cactus Gray Bronco. I’ll be all spruced up and ready for whenever my Bronco busts out of the factory. The red, and rearing-to-drive, gloves will suit my hands just fine with that complex shade of gray-green, or greenish-gray, or grayish-green.

I only request that the same paint be used on all parts of the iron steed.

Lest anyone think that I came up with all of this marketing material on my own, I am duty-bound to state that Dear Husband has been spending more time than I ever would — reading (not participating in) the Ford Bronco Forums.

It’s a man’s world, after all, the cosmos of cars and trucks.

Although that world is not as manly as it used to be. Some bold babes have found their way into the automotive chat-rooms. Other, less versatile gals are mentioned in true-confession tales. One Forum-Frank revealed a telling conversation with The Wife:

“There’s a Jeep club in town,” she said.

He asked, “Why would I want to join a Jeep club?”

Her non-blonde dumb response was: “A Bronco’s a Jeep isn’t it?”

A guy-pal on the Forum suggested: "Get a rope."

I’d prefer the Ben Cartwright Ring Method. Black widow spiders love diamonds!

The quest for the 2020-Something Bronco has taken on a life of its own. It’s become a saga since the whispering campaign first began in early 2017 for the real-life manufacture of a New Ford Bronco. Since I am requesting the bare minimum of features, a Basic Model, I’ve got a good shot at delivery of the 2021 Ford Bronco THIS YEAR.

This roll of the dice comes courtesy of not ordering Sasquatch tires, a high-end trim package, leather seats, a larger engine, or towing gear. The color Area 51 is also a hot-ticket item, one that spooks me, in spite of its blueness (blue is a favorite car color for me).

What I want is more in the spirit of the Original Bronco, a two-door riding experience over terrain that’s a bit rough, but lacking boulders or Mars Rover landscape. I’m not an off-road enthusiast or extreme-sport zealot, who drives someplace he cannot escape. I’m an on-the-road connoisseur of fine driving machines.

The Legend has returned as planned on the drawing board, but The Automotive Spies were way off on their predictions of what form the New Bronco would take. That Computerized-Concept Car was wretchedly ugly. I wonder if Ford paid the spies for the disinformation.

The desired stampede effect was certainly created, but now Ford can’t keep up with the early demand they so capably generated. Shortage of critical parts wasn’t contemplated, or even understood, a year ago. I normally hesitate to purchase the first-year model of anything, but, at this rate, my Bronco might be #100,001 off the assembly line. The odds of a recall are greatly diminished.

Sometimes simpler is better, more nimble and quick. Being the non-target market for the New Ford Bronco just might work out for me!


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